Well . . . I would never tell you how you should feel nor try to dictate what you should do. But just speaking on the logical and theoretical level (which I hope won’t irritate you):

“ I have often wondered if people who promote forgiveness have ever been through anything traumatic in their lives.”

About 2,000 years ago there was a guy who was mocked, scorned, flogged, nailed to a cross, and left to die. While hanging there, he said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

He was one of history’s greatest promoters of forgiveness. Now, that doesn’t mean that everyone who talks a good forgiveness game is sincere or, even if they are sincere, very good at it. But there are plenty of people out there who have faced traumatic events and still sincerely believed that they should forgive their enemies and persecutors.

Also:

“I don’t feel they deserve my forgiveness.”

No, they don’t. Giving according to what is deserved is justice. Forgiveness is mercy, not justice, and therefore has nothing to do with what is deserved. Mercy is, effectively, a sign of love, and that same fellow who asked forgiveness for those who killed him in the cruelest of fashions also called us to love our enemies.

Now, it’s not at all in question that this is hard to do, and the greater our sufferings at the hands of others, the harder it can be. So I wouldn’t presume to judge you or anyone else on this score. The above is just a little bit of analysis of the subject itself, not of you or your situation.