I can’t claim to understand your situation, because I don’t live in it and haven’t had any real experience with anything like it. That said, my wife has had some moody periods, thanks to medication she takes for a physical condition.

Men can have different reactions to such times, but one thing worth noting is that it’s in our nature to be protective and to be “fixers.” From what I understand, this is one of those things that can cause communication gaps between men and women, because their perspectives on life differ. Long ago on the African savanna, the males had the job of protecting family and tribe from physical dangers, so it’s rather in our DNA. We can’t entirely help wanting to insert ourselves into that role. We can indeed get frustrated in situations where our efforts are ineffective or where we don’t even know what to do to begin with, but I’m not sure trying to remove us from that role works very well, either.

I’m not an expert on such matters, but from personal experience I think it might be better to acknowledge your husbands concerns and your gratefulness for what he tries to do, even when he can’t do very much. Maybe you can hide your pain from him, but maybe you can’t. He already knows it’s there, and he may pick up on it even if you try to conceal it. I’m not a very demonstrative person, yet my wife always seems to know when I’m fuming on the inside while smiling on the outside.

My wife’s illnesses have put me in the role of nurse many times over the past few years, a role I don’t naturally take to, but I do it because she’s my wife and I love her. She has sometimes expressed regret for putting me through it all and said ridiculous things like, “If you hadn’t married me, you wouldn’t have to do all this.” My response varies from, “It’s not like you’re doing it on purpose,” to “It’s part of the deal [a reference to ‘for better or for worse’]” to “I’d rather be with you and doing this than not be with you.” From what you’ve said, I expect your husband would say something similar.